Home at Last

Friday night in the tent, I dreamt I was returning home. I opened my condo door to reveal completely different furniture. Unsure, I yelled “Hello?” only to awaken a growling dog from behind a couch who attacked me as I quickly retreated out the door.

My actual return was far less exciting but was instead surreal. I woke early Sunday morning but forced myself to go back to sleep as it’s easier to break camp in daylight. I headed to work as I'd forgotten my keys. (I found the only advantage to being homeless was I never had to worry whether I had my keys. Rather, whether I had my key, the one to my office door, the only key I had on me for a month.) As the Denver Marathon was clogging traffic, I stayed at the office a while, then headed home. Walking up my staircase and into my condo for the first time in a month was dreamlike. I wasn’t quite present, and it wasn’t quite possible I had really been sleeping on the streets all this time.

But I was on bedbug patrol so couldn’t tarry. I hopped in my car for the first time in a month, drove over to get my stuff at the office, stuffed it in garbage bags and headed home. I brought the bags of clothing up to my place only as quickly as I could throw them into a hot washer, spending the balance of the day doing laundry and watching football. I quarantined the coats and camping gear as they are difficult or impossible to wash, and threw my sleeping bag in the freezer for a few days. It may be the real culprit, and I assume the freezing will also kill the eggs. We are on the warpath at work to eradicate bedbugs from our building but it’s a constant battle.

Monday morning, I got up and went to my closet and nearly put on one of the two pairs of pants I’d been wearing for a month. Then I realized I could wear something else and practically had to force myself to do so.

When I first decided to render myself homeless, I figured I should look the part in order to experience what it was like to be homeless. Whether or not people truly thought I was homeless I can’t say but I felt they thought I was homeless and I didn’t like it. So I shaved my beard on Sunday, and at my first opportunity on Monday, I got a haircut. I could not put it behind me quickly enough, like a bad dream.

Homelessness comes in various forms. It is not just those who are sleeping outside. It is those staying with a friend, those sleeping in their cars, those in any kind of temporary housing, and even those in motels. Each will have a unique experience but I believe there are commonalities.

Being homeless is extremely inconvenient. As most can’t easily carry all their belongings wherever they go, they must take advantage of the few places that offer free storage (like our organization), or pay to store their things. Yes, some homeless people pay for storage, often in the hope they will soon have a home. When they head out for the night, they take as little as possible but must make sure to take what they need. It requires logistics, at which over time, they become skilled.

As showering required this kind of effort and of course opportunity, I would shower only every third day, always on the trajectory between work and the campsite, at my mom’s or a friend’s house. There were few times when I veered from this trajectory and rarely liked it when I did. Friends only gradually came to realize that even the thought of going out of the way wore on me.

Being homeless is stressful. If you are sleeping outside, you tend to want to return to the same place each night. As it’s on public property, you can never be sure that it will be available, that you won’t get kicked out, run off, or worse in the middle of the night by the police, drunks, or hoods. Getting in and out of my favorite campsite -- which was on Cherry Creek where Clayton Street intersects -- also meant that I lived in fear of the equivalent of Paul Blart. I am not making this up, the mall cops were the enemy. I wouldn’t arrive until after 10pm when things were a bit quieter and when they weren’t as vigilant or omnipresent. After crossing under University Blvd each night, I would turn off the lights on my bike. If they were around, I would peddle past my campsite entrance and turn around only when they had moved on to the parking garage. I really didn't want them catching me descending to my campsite as I feared being hassled and wanted to be able to return every night. I didn’t want anyone even seeing me, for that matter, and suspecting me homeless.

Being in any public place with a backpack and appearing like you might be homeless makes you feel like people have branded you homeless. It is an uncomfortable feeling, like walking around with a Scarlet H on your chest. (I've thought it would be great to have uniforms with big H’s on them to demonstrate solidarity with the homeless. The problem is that many of our part-time employees are former clients so we frequently have employees who are homeless.)

It is not just stressful for the homeless, but for friends and family as well. As many of our homeless are alienated from their families, it might be tempting to dismiss this fact but that would be an oversimplification. It would be safer to say that if you are a close relative of a chronically homeless person who you are no longer able to help for whatever reason, it is a deep wound you necessarily try to ignore.

I was astounded and touched by the level of concern for me while I was out there. It was at times almost burdensome. People would urgently tell me what I should be doing regarding our battle with DRCOG or what I should be looking out for when on the streets, etc. Laundry lists of tasks would issue forth as if I had an army at my disposal. But at the root was genuine concern and a need to get me off the street. My gut tells me this is one of the reasons why many of our clients lose touch with their families as this level of concern puts enormous strain on relationships, eventually tearing them apart. It was certainly one of the reasons I returned home.

Being homeless is exhausting. Only on rare occasions in the last month have I really been able to relax. It is difficult to get a truly sound night’s sleep, and the stress involved adds to the exhaustion.

Being homeless gives you a feeling of being lost, of being wayward and without purpose or place. I was lucky I still had a job, a place where I was valued, a place where I belonged and where I even fit in as a homeless person. This disconcerting feeling, being without a compass, can only be compounded in someone who is both homeless and unemployed.

Day 29 of Homelessness

Above are a number of pictures from our successful, 60-person strong protest today calling on DRCOG to restore funding for homeless seniors.

Dave (at right) is putting up the tent last night. He urban-camps with me every Thursday, starting with my first night of homelessness a month ago when we were awakened and soaked by sprinklers at 5:30am. (That ended any sleeping in parks.) It has continued each week, frequently on the worst weather night of the week. One Thursday a couple weeks ago, we were both very cold but last night was relatively mild.

Day 28 of Homelessness

The night was very pleasant and uneventful. No beaver or other critters, as far as we know. Greg and I urban-camped and Ann Marie, his girlfriend, brought us coffee this morning. Despite the bedbug threat, they kindly fed me and allowed me to use their shower last night.

I just found a bedbug on my hand but he wasn't full of blood. Small comfort.

Day 27 of Homelessness

Please join us for a sidewalk protest against DRCOG for failing to support the homeless!

When: Friday, October 16th, 11:30am -- 1:30pm
Where: 1290 Broadway, Denver
Why: To recapture funding for homeless seniors

The committee of the Denver Regional Council of Governments (DRCOG) that defunded Senior Support Services will be meeting at the same time and in the same place as our protest on Friday.

Senior Support Services feeds, clothes and houses the poorest of the poor and helps make each day better than the last. For more information: http://www.seniorsupportservices.org

Thank you!

Day 26 of Homelessness

Greg (left) brought a fine cup of coffee to my tent this morning. I’m getting spoiled.

A week or two ago, I found a bedbug on my coat in my office and promptly killed it. Today, I found a bedbug full of blood on me. Bedbugs are a huge problem for us. A number of our homeless clients slough off bedbugs while at our day shelter and they migrate throughout the facility, hiding in chairs and then hitching rides home on the unsuspecting. A staff member recently had to fumigate his house and bedbugs are a lot harder to get rid of than your average pest. It's expensive, a special pesticide must be used, all clothing has to be washed in hot water, and they can apparently go a year without a meal. I just hope I haven’t brought pestilence down upon the friends' homes where I’ve showered or upon those with whom I've camped.

Day 25 of Homelessness

Yesterday, I watched the Bronco game at my friend John’s house and had a great meal and a shower. It had been about 4 days since I’d bathed so it was nice to feel human again. Being an avid sports fan gives me something to do and helps me remain connected. On that score, I watched the Rockies game with my friend Shiraz at the bar closest to my campsite but had to leave at the end of the 8th in order to make camp, and try to get some sleep. Too bad they weren't quite able to pull it off.

Last night I was a bit cold perhaps because of the humidity as opposed to the temperature as I think it was technically a few degrees warmer than the night before when I had no trouble sleeping. I didn’t sleep as well as I usually do but Steve came by this morning with coffee (pictured above), which is about the kindest thing you can do for an urban camper.

Day 24 of Homelessness

Immediately above are a few pictures I took today, a typical Sunday at Senior Support Services.

I believe that as social animals, we are compelled to help one another, and we do so in any variety of ways from charitable giving to shoveling a neighbor's walk. If we decline to do so, we rob ourselves of something we desperately need. In some ways, our homeless are better off than those seniors who rarely leave their homes as our day center provides a place for them to interact and help each other out, lending moral support.

On three nights so far at my favorite campsite, my only companion has been what I thought was a coyote, fox or rat. The first time I heard him, I could not figure out what he was doing. He was obviouly struggling but it was for what seemed like an hour directly across the river from me. He started moaning for a time and then I heard a big splash. The next morning I spotted the tree he had cut down and I've since learned that he tends to moan shortly before he finishes the job. On the second night, he awakened me, I got up to take a leak, he got frightened and slammed his tail on the water's surface. Last night, he was creeping around my tent and then headed out into the water.

A few weeks back, a homeless man was found dead in the river. I was worried he was my opera singer who was camped nearby and whom I hadn't heard since, but I'm happy to report he was singing away this morning, cheerful as ever.

Day 23 of Homelessness

At right, my tent this morning with the night's snowfall on it. Last night was the coldest night thus far but I managed to stay reasonably comfortable thanks to a friend's tent I've borrowed.

Please find below a copy of the letter I mailed today to all 20 members of the Advisory Committee on Aging. This is the DRCOG committee that reviews applications and distributes Older Americans Act funds.

Dear Committee Member,

I am writing to you in your capacity as a member of the Advisory Committee on Aging of DRCOG.

Congress passed the Older Americans Act (OAA) specifically to serve those seniors with the “greatest social need” and “greatest economic need” (Title III, Section 305). In violation of the Act, DRCOG awarded OAA funds this year to organizations that serve those who are already housed and have far greater means than, for instance, the homeless.

The OAA also requires that as a “focal point for comprehensive service delivery in each community,” special consideration be given to “designating multipurpose senior centers” (Title III, Section 306). Instead, DRCOG favored specific services such as in-home and transportation services for the housed as opposed to funding centers like Senior Support Services where comprehensive, one-stop shopping is provided for the homeless.

Senior Support Services is the safety net organization for the seniors of the Denver Metro area, serving the poorest of the poor. There is no group of seniors with greater needs than those served by our organization, which explains why Senior Support had received funding from DRCOG every year for 25 years. When DRCOG experienced a funding cut of 13%, it could have and should have passed on that 13% funding cut to each of its grantees. Instead, it cut all funding to Senior Support Services.

On September 17th, I declared myself homeless to call attention to the plight of the homeless seniors we serve, and to protest the failure of DRCOG to serve the homeless. I am still homeless and waiting for a response from DRCOG, and a plan as to how it will take care of homeless seniors (i.e. seniors with the greatest needs) in the future. Here are links to a Denver Post story and my homeless blog:
http://www.denverpost.com/newsheadlines/ci_13423857
http://tedshomelessstrike.blogspot.com/

At the next meeting of the Advisory Committee on Aging on October 16th, please make the following two motions:

1) Restore funding to Senior Support Services as of July 1st of this year.
2) Create a detailed plan as to how DRCOG is going to serve homeless seniors thereby meeting the requirements of the Older Americans Act.

(Older Americans Act: http://www.aoa gov/AoARoot/ AoA_Programs/OAA/oaa_full.asp#_Toc153957659)

Thank you for your consideration,

Ted Pascoe
Executive Director
Senior Support Services
303-832-1622 x207; tedpascoe@gmail.com

Day 21 of Homelessness

Hester Prynne is infinitely braver and more likable than anyone else in The Scarlet Letter. Reverend Dimmesdale is physically and mentally very weak, and of course ends up doing nothing for Hester and their daughter despite his complicity. Rather than owning up, he abandons them and dies of shame. That Hester bore the full brunt of the Scarlet A and vanquished it is even greater testament to her character. Of course, you could argue that the Reverend had farther to fall. Not having very far to fall has always given me more latitude to do idiotic things, or at least seriously contemplate them. Latitude my father, for instance, would never have been afforded.

But I finished this great story and moved on to another: The Jungle, which I was also undoubtedly supposed to have read. My life as a homeless person is a cakewalk compared to how these people lived; sleeping mattress-to-mattress in one filthy room; working in dangerous and horrible conditions at the Packinghouse. The prospect of being crammed together in one room (at a shelter) is why many of our homeless prefer to sleep outside, no matter how cold. The latter is certainly what I am opting for tonight.

Day 20 of Homelessness

Above left, I'm in my office on day 20 of my homeless protest. By contrast, Cleo (at left) who is a client of and a super-volunteer at Senior Support has been homeless for 7 years.

Should be chilly tonight as they are talking about a snowstorm materializing . . . .

Day 18 of Homelessness

We planned to sleep at DRCOG on the night we held our street protest at their offices but our homeless clients wanted to return to their usual sites as this gives them what little sense of security and normalcy they can glean from habit. I can totally identify as I don't like sleeping anywhere other than my favorite campsite. It's relatively close, it's got plenty of cover and I think it's warmer and dryer than many of the places where I've slept, thanks to the canopy under which I pitch my tent.

It's cold and wet this evening so I think I'm in for an interesting night.

Day 16 of Homelessness

Today, I emailed the following message to 40 of the 60 board members of DRCOG (we could not track down email addresses for the other 20).

Dear DRCOG Board Member,

Congress passed the Older Americans Act (OAA) specifically to serve those seniors with the “greatest social need” and “greatest economic need” (Title III, Section 305). In violation of the Act, DRCOG awarded OAA funds this year to organizations that serve those who are already housed and have far greater means than, for instance, the homeless.

The OAA also requires that as “a focal point for comprehensive service delivery in each community,” special consideration be given to “designating multipurpose senior centers” (Title III, Section 306). Instead, DRCOG favored specific services such as in-home and transportation services for the housed as opposed to funding centers like Senior Support Services where comprehensive, one-stop shopping is provided for the homeless.

Senior Support Services is the safety net organization for the seniors of the Denver Metro area, serving the poorest of the poor. There is no group of seniors with greater needs than those served by this organization, which explains why Senior Support had received funding from DRCOG every year for 25 years. When DRCOG experienced a funding cut of 13%, it could have and should have passed on that 13% funding cut to each of its grantees. Instead, it cut all funding to Senior Support Services.

On September 17, I declared myself homeless to call attention to the plight of the homeless seniors we serve, and to protest the failure of DRCOG to serve the homeless. I am still homeless and waiting for a response from DRCOG, and a plan as to how it will take care of homeless seniors (i.e. seniors with the greatest needs) in the future. http://www.denverpost.com/newsheadlines/ci_13423857

At the DRCOG board meeting on October 21st, please make a motion to require DRCOG to restore funding to Senior Support Services and come up with a detailed plan as to how DRCOG is going to serve homeless seniors thereby meeting the requirements of the Older Americans Act.

Thank you for your consideration,

Ted Pascoe
Executive Director
Senior Support Services

Link to the Older Americans Act: http://www.aoa.gov/AoARoot/AoA_Programs/OAA/oaa_full.asp#_Toc153957659

Day 15 of Homelessness

Dave and I camped last night near our usual location though we debated enough before finally settling down. Urban camping locations remain the only thing about which we agree to disagree. His preoccupation is cover while mine is flat and dry. He doesn't know what I mean by dry but I do.

Last night was quite cold, and my feet got cold so I'll have to work on fixing that, perhaps with a bivy sack. Otherwise, I was okay, though not exactly warm. Dave forgot his pad so he wasn't terribly comfortable or warm.

Below are a few pictures taken this morning at the site. All of our stuff had a layer of frost on it this morning. Dave looks like he might burst out in song.

Protest at DRCOG's offices

Please find below images from our protest yesterday. Our 70 protesters sent a clear message to DRCOG that there is no group of seniors with greater needs than those served by Senior Support Services, that DRCOG should be funding homeless seniors first, not last.

Day 13 of Homelessness

DRCOG has met our Homeless Protest with silence so today, we take our protest to DRCOG's doorstep.

At 3pm on Wednesday, September 30, our protest begins out front of the DRCOG offices (1290 Broadway). Everyone is welcome for all or just part of the protest. Bologna sandwiches and coffee will be served. Bring your sign, sleeping bag, tent, tarp, etc if you would like to stay the night with us. Those spending the night will sleep together somewhere near DRCOG.

Day 12 of Homelessness

At right, me and my tent this morning.

Last night, leaves would periodically hit my tent with a foreboding plunk causing sleeplessness. Soon enough, they will all have fallen, my protective canopy gone, and the scarlet H emblazoned on my tent revealed for all to see.

I didn’t hear and missed my homeless neighbor who sings cheerful opera each morning. Reminds me of Joey Tribbiani’s neighbor.

My homeless protest is not about the recession. It is not about funding cuts. It is about one funding cut. A funding cut that was unnecessary, arbitrary and capricious. A funding cut that violates the Older Americans Act, which requires that funding go to those seniors with the greatest needs. A 100% funding cut that was a gross overreaction to the 13% funding cut experienced by DRCOG.

As DRCOG would not do a site visit at Senior Support Services, we are bringing the site visit to them. At 3pm on Wednesday, September 30, our protest out front of DRCOG (1290 Broadway) begins. Everyone is welcome for all or just part of the protest. Bologna sandwiches and coffee will be served. Bring your sign, sleeping bag, tent, tarp, etc if you would like to stay the night with us. Those spending the night will sleep together somewhere near DRCOG.

Day 10 of Homelessness

Pictured above, me at my favorite campsite this morning.

Last night, I met my friend Randy for dinner and realized something I’ve just been dancing around. By the time I arrived on my bike at the restaurant, he was already out front, having put our name on the list for a table and because it was a mild night. He asked if I’d like to put my backpack in his car -- about a block away -- an offer I eagerly accepted. Due to the stigma attached, I don’t like people looking at me and suspecting I’m homeless. Without my large backpack in tow, I’m just another guy who hasn’t shaved for a while. I’m especially vulnerable to this feeling when I’m heading directly to a campsite, or exiting from it.

I continue to make improvements to my favorite site, am possessive of it, and don’t even like the prospect of strangers visiting it, let alone camping there.

Day 9 of Homelessness

At right, the Colorado Vincentian Volunteers who camped with me on Friday night. They were a bit cold, at times, but it was nice to have the company.